February 12, 2010 · 1:28 am

Our Shortest Interview Yet

Intrepid imahd.ca contributor Viz Bartolemy caught up with Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad outside a movie theatre in downtown Tehran as he left a private screening of the 3D Hollywood mega-blockbuster, Avatar.

Link to the Guardian's Iranian Laser Enrichment article

image: Rubeh Jadidoleslam/AP; link: Guardian.co.uk

imahd.ca: Mr. President, how did you like the movie?

M.A.: I am bound by a fatwa of the Imam not to enjoy such trivial pursuits, but only to study them, like a scientist who dissects small animals.

imahd.ca: I’m sorry to hear that. Was there at least something in the film that you didn’t find offensive or objectionable?

M.A.: I appreciated very much the way that a man–even a severely damaged man–can control not only the thoughts of another, but also that person’s actions. I am very familiar with this concept, but I felt that the director fell short of what he could have achieved. Imagine if one man could do this with a whole country — or even the world.

imahd.ca: How’s that?

M.A.: Um, nothing.

imahd.ca: Okay… well, what about the 3D effects? You often talk about the importance of scientific progress, so you must have found that aspect of the film interesting, from an engineering perspective.

M.A.: It is nothing. In Iran, everything is already in 3D. Look at this tree.

imahd.ca: Are you feeling okay, Mr. President? You look a little feverish. Too much popcorn?

M.A.: Popcorn is an American invention designed to sell more Coca-Cola beverages.

imahd.ca: No argument there, but tell me, is there a fatwa against snacking while watching forbidden films?

M.A.: Not at all. I myself had some delicious mushrooms that one of the young people was only too happy to share with me. That is the way of things in Iran — everyone is friendly. I don’t know why people keep asking me about human rights abuses in the Islamic Republic. We don’t have that. I don’t know who keeps saying that we do.

imahd.ca: Very well, sir. Do you mind if I ask just a few more questions? Umm… Mr. President?

M.A.: Seriously, did you look at this tree? It’s like a hand with a million fingers reaching up to the sky…

imahd.ca: And a million more reaching down into the ground.

M.A.: Oh, whoa… man…

imahd.ca: Are you sure you’re okay, Mr. President? I mean, I can’t help but wonder if those mushrooms you had were strictly, you know… halal?

M.A.: Let me tell you something. Come close… shhh… [looks around] dude, they were the halalest!

imahd.ca: I see… Well, since you’re in such a fine mood, sir, how about a few more questions?

M.A.: Of course! We are friends. Everyone is our friend and we are everyone’s friend.

imahd.ca: Super. What about…

M.A.: Except for the Zionist Entity!

imahd.ca: Of course. Now, about that…

M.A.: And the United States of America! The Great Satan!!

imahd.ca: Certainly. Your position with respect to both of these countries has been made abundantly clear over the years. Is it true that three years ago you forecast the coming of the Mahdi within two years?

M.A.: This is a very common misperception you bring up because you, as an infidel–no offense–do not understand the way in which Mahdi-time works. Obviously, there is nothing to be gained by explaining it to you.

imahd.ca: Uh-huh… Would you care to comment on the anti-government protests that took place yesterday on Revolution Day?

M.A.: Again, I do not understand where you are obtaining such bad information… Hold on, please.

[Aside in Farsi]: Sayeed, go and see if you can find that boy who was sitting near us and ask him where his mother shops for vegetables.

Excuse me. You may continue.

imahd.ca: So, what about Israel? Isn’t it true that the renowned ancient Emperor of Iran, Cyrus the Great, not only gave leave to the Jews of his kingdom to rebuild their temple at Jerusalem, but that he also funded the venture?

M.A. [distracted]: Who? What? … Excuse me once more, please.

[Aside in Farsi]: Hafez! You look like a reject from the Syrian Olympic swim team. Take off those goggles immediately! And stop giggling–at once!

imahd.ca: Cyrus the Great…? The first Persian Emperor…? Okay… How about Darius the Great, Emperor of Persia at its historical apex, did he not affirm the decree of Cyrus with regard to the Jews, Jerusalem and their temple?

M.A.: Hafez, dude, you are so right! When I wear these outside I can see in 4D!

Hafez: Whoa… that must mean that you…can…

M.A.: …that I can…see…through time! [Visibly excited. High fives all ’round.]

Entourage [in unison]: Dude!

imahd.ca: Thanks, Mr. President, for your time. And, in case you’re interested, there’s a great dolma place right around the corner.

M.A.: Dolma! Yes! Everyone, goggles on… and march! Robotically!

imahd.ca: This is Viz Bartolemy reporting for imahd.ca.

M.A.: Are we not men?!

Entourage: We are Devo!!

.

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February 11, 2010 · 4:22 pm

Pseudo-Photo-Journalism

It appears that Reuters’ photo-editors are running into problems once again.

Following the “photogate” debacle of the 2006 Israel-Hezbollah war, Reuters issued new Photoshop rulesfor its photographers in January, 2007.

Here is one of the infamous pics from that episode in which sections of the image were cloned to create the perception of greater destruction:

For comparison, here is the original image:

What may be another example of the phenomenon comes from today’s Iranian Revolution Day parade in Tehran:

Zooming in a little:

It’s difficult (without the unretouched image) to determine whether the photographer or photo-editor was attempting to add people to the crowd or subtract “green movement” protesters and/or their banners. Maybe it was a small, justifiable retouch gone horribly wrong. The matter is currently unclear, but it’s quite clear that the published image has been compromised and its credibility brought into doubt.

Reuters has been contacted regarding the image.

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In the vein of other things optical:
Iranian regime busses in support for anniversary celebrations

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And, lest anyone think that Reuters’ photographers are the only ones with a copy of Adobe Photoshop, here’s a flashback to an important missile propaganda event for Iran last year.

Published photo:

Original image (failure to launch):

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January 2, 2010 · 5:56 am

The Martyrdom of Mousavi

Iranian opposition leader and former presidential candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi has declared that he is prepared for martyrdom in his quest to reform the Iranian political system. Essentially, he has invited the government to slay him, knowing that this will only bolster his cause among the disenchanted  people of his country.

And yet, on the same day, another former presidential candidate, Mohsen Rezai, has delivered a letter to the Iranian government stating that Mr. Mousavi has changed his position and is now willing to work with the present government to effect change and that he no longer disputes the legitimacy of last year’s presidential elections. The letter welcomes Mousavi back to the fold and provides a veneer of plausible deniability for the government of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the event of Mousavi’s demise.

A major crackdown on dissent may be imminent.

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December 8, 2009 · 4:10 am

Mideast: Dec. 8, 2009

Many small waves breaking at the same time. Strong undercurrents…

Lebanon
Israel appears to be moving toward giving up the north-half of the village of Ghajar to Lebanon, probably along with Shebaa Farms. This would effectively mean that no Lebanese territory would then be under Israeli control. (This could have been resolved much sooner, but for disagreements between Lebanon, Syria and the UN as to the true ownership of the lands in question.)

Residents of northern Ghajar who don’t wish to become Lebanese citizens would have the right (as full Israeli citizens) to remain in Israel, though they would have to leave their current homes in the north end of town. Some resettlement funds will probably be allotted by the government.

With the Israeli ‘occupation’ at an end, Hezbollah should stand down, but will they? They have recently deployed thousands of rockets south of the Litani River in direct contravention of multiple UN Security Council resolutions.

Syria
Indications seem to be that Syrian President Assad may be prepared to ‘get creative’ on certain issues related to the Golan Heights. (More on that soon…)

Gaza
Israel has notified various embassies that diplomatic visits to the Gaza Strip will not be possible through Israel at this time. While some people will be critical of the move, there’s an easy workaround for the problem — visit Gaza through Egypt instead.

If Hamas will not engage with Israel, then Israel should not be expected to facilitate the diplomatic adventures of Gaza’s overtly-militant Hamas government, which (only this week) tested out some new, sophisticated rockets freshly smuggled into the territory through its extensive tunnel network.

West Bank
As previously disclosed, PA PM Salam Fayyad will be running the show in Ramallah from now on, with PA President Mahmoud Abbas booking off work for an extended vacation.

There’s a distinct possibility that the Americans may be getting ready to hand over control of Palestinian security force training to the Brits and Canadians currently working on that mandate under US General Keith Dayton.

Upshot
 The opportunity to achieve a lasting peace between Jewish and Arab Palestinians has rarely, if ever, been nearer. The opportunity to reach a peace deal between Israel and Syria, as well as between Israel and Lebanon, has absolutely never been closer.

But what about the Iranian ‘leadership’? They’re already dealing with fraying public control, a stumbling economy, apocalyptic delusions, looming international sanctions for their nuclear transgressions — and now this? Possible peace? It must be driving them crazy. And that’s the sort of thing that could be dangerous for everyone — if only because they’re the ones supplying the missiles to Hamas and Hezbollah.

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December 8, 2009 · 2:53 am

Gondar calls. And Rohar will answer.

Dec 8, 2009 3:42 | Updated Dec 8, 2009 6:36

‘Falash Mura must be brought to Israel’

By RUTH EGLASH (Jerusalem Post – Opinion)

Ethiopians demand that the Falash Mura be brought to Israel.

[…] “The Jewish Agency needs to go in and help these people tomorrow,” said Molla, adding that there are some 8,700 Falash Mura – Ethiopians whose Jewish ancestors were forcibly converted to Christianity – still waiting to emigrate.

Most of those are believed to fit the criteria for aliya laid out by previous Israeli governments and many have family members already living here.

Abra Mulla, an Ethiopian immigrant now based in Lod, said his sister and her family are still stuck in Gondar with little, if any, humanitarian aid or medical assistance.

“I have to send her money each month in order for her to survive,” Mulla told thePost. “I have been trying to help her make aliya for more than five years but every time I go to the Interior Ministry, they tell me they cannot help me.”

Mulla’s story is shared by many in the 110,000-strong Ethiopian community in Israel, who have been separated from relatives due to the ongoing debate over this aliya, which some believe has become too costly. […]

Full article @ JPost.com

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