The UN’s Copenhagen summit on climate change is about to get underway, but rather than rationally discuss the prospects for achieving a meaningful agreement on sustainable global development, we’ve decided to take a more playful tack.
We will not focus on disagreements about the ‘true nature’ of the problem, nor will we cover the email scandal that some commentators are currently calling ‘ClimateGate’. We won’t even introduce the matter of solar activity and how this impacts our terrestrial weather — except to provide a link to it elsewhere.
It looked a lot like this one before we messed it up.
No, instead we have taken a 10-sided die and etched into each of its faces the letters from the name COPENHAGEN. Then, we proceeded to roll that die until it spelled actual words — which took quite a while, because you have to start over again if your word-in-progress dead-ends in nonsense.
Professor Einstein said that G-d doesn’t play dice with the universe, yet we’ve always managed to play fast and loose with our little corner of it — which may be why we’re facing these problems now. C’mon, baby… Daddy needs a new pair of solar panels!
A few more rules: Each letter may only be used as many times as it actually shows up in the word ‘Copenhagen’. Minimum valid word length: 4 letters. We adapted some of the rules from the great old game, GHOST.
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So, using this as our method of divination,
we’ve been able to pre-surmise the following:
COPENHAGEN: Hope
People apparently have it — and feel that this conference can play a positive role in shaping the future of man on Earth. It could also mean that US President Obama will feel comfortable taking a leading role, given that this was the primary mantra of his election campaign.
COPENHAGEN: Change
Evidently, we do need it. Also, another election keyword for Mr. Obama.
COPENHAGEN: Open
Delegates from 192 countries are attending.
COPENHAGEN: Enhance
We hope to enhance our ability to sustainably survive on this planet.
COPENHAGEN: Phage (to eat)
There will undoubtedly be some feasting at the event. Food choice, production and transportation will be significant issues at the summit, whether they are planning menus or discussing our greater global diet. Livestock will be reviewed as a major source of greenhouse gases (primarily methane) and as a prominent by-consumer of energy resources.
COPENHAGEN: Hogpen
This could be a reference to pigs as livestock animals — or it could be alluding to mealtime in the main conference dining room.
COPENHAGEN: Cope
What we must do regardless of any decisions taken at the summit.
COPENHAGEN: Phone
Imagine how much smaller the summit’s carbon footprint could have been if all the delegates met by teleconference instead of flying and driving.
COPENHAGEN: Hang
This could refer to our fate should we fail to find a way to live within our environmental means — or it could just be a reference to China, which is expected to make a noteworthy statement.
Come to think of it, they might make more than one announcement:
COPENHAGEN (Chang); COPENHAGEN (Chan); COPENHAGEN (Peng); COPENHAGEN (Chen); COPENHAGEN (Hong); COPENHAGEN (Nang); COPENHAGEN (Chong).
There are a lot of Chinese people, which is why it’s so important for China (likewise for India) to make a strong commitment to proper environmental management. Well over half the world’s population lives in Asia, with China and India together being home to more than 2.5 billion people.
COPENHAGEN: Pengo
If Antarctica melts because of climate change, then how will SEGA’s Pengo crush the furious Sno-Bees with blocks of ice and survive to play another round?
COPENHAGEN: Cheap
What no comprehensive solution would be — in the short run, anyway.
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COPENHAGEN: Sometimes, the name says it all.
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